The Killing Kompany Diaries
Maryland, My Maryland!
Almost Murder On The Orient Express!  
The Killing Kompany Moves South


~ AAA Road map ~
used by General Avner during his Campaign in Maryland 
February 1998

A SONG: to be sung to the same tune as  "Tannenbaum, Oh Tannenbaum! ..."  The despot's heel is on thy shore
  Maryland, My Maryland! 
His foot is at Thy Temple Door! 
Maryland, My Maryland! 
Avenge the Patriotic Gore 
That fleck'd the streets of Baltimore! 
And Be the Battle Queen of Yore 
Maryland, My Maryland! 

PREFACE   "No Lo Contendo" 

At the opening of the American Civil War 


The War for Southern  
 depending upon one's historical
The City of Baltimore, Maryland 
was a hotbed of southern sympathizers 

repressed Confederate Patriots...  

and subsequently  
the rioting  
which followed the outbreak of the hostilities 
between the States 
The Federal Government  
to call in troops 
with the intent to quell the uprising of certain portions 
of the citizenry and to declare martial law 
for fear of losing control of the city 
and perhaps the entire State to  
The Confederacy. 

This nifty tune: "Maryland, My Maryland" 
was penned by hand 
with the intent of immortalizing these events 
from the Southern point of view. 

However there is another historical fact  
tangentially  worth mentioning in this connection: 


"Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."? 

It is a FACT "Tannenbaum" were hardly 
a part of the North American Christmas tradition  
at the time this song was written... 

How's that for clever marketing...? 

Fortunately we have no such activity 
going on today... Making the Preface to this story 
a complete and perfect Onion Peel. 


Almost no one 
except the Homicidally Challenged 
and/or celebrants of Confederate Mother's Day 
would know of these facts. 


Political correctness in the late 
Twentieth Century in Amerika 
is so exhausting 
that from this point on 
I will attempt to continue my narrative of 
the Killing Kompany's jaunt south of the 

Mason Dioxin Line 

without offending further my editor's 
southern sensibilities 


hopefully the sensibilities of our other 
loyal followers 
who are  


located beneath the aforementioned 
political division... 


having to include a lot of stuff that 
got settled a long time ago 

All protests from the Confederate Air Force 
to the contrary not withstanding... 


Despite the fact our First President 
-who slept everywhere- 

but resided in Virginia 

and had a fine institution of learning 
named after him 
in Maryland 


That CERTAIN Public Utilities in the Deeper South 
indeed even 

forbid their employees 

from celebrating George's birthday 
and thereby disallowing these workers 
their right 
to celebrate the otherwise national holiday 

by goofing off around their homes 
catching up on their chores... 

or whatever else they want to do 
with their 
free time ... 

The Killing Kompany  
made their way South on I 95 Saturday afternoon 
confined within a rented van. 

The City of Baltimore is located 
no where near George Washington University. 

But history tells us some 200 years ago 

Our Founding Father 


-rumored to have slept in many places- 

WAS indeed 
entertained one evening by a performance 
given by students. 

An Annual Ball on campus has been held 
commemorating the event for more years 
than anyone can remember. 

And it's theme this year - 1998 - was: 

"Murder on The Orient Express." 

and WE had been asked to provide some 

Which was all fine and good with us! 

For we had been invited to perform for over 
2,000 Ball attendees 

which was remarkable 
due to the fact the school had an enrollment 
of only 1,000 students... 

Upon contacting us to arrange a performance 
"especially written for the occasion" 
we were actually rolling south that afternoon 

into unexplored territory. 

The reason being: 

We have no show in our extensive repertoire 
which includes anything 
with even the faintest hint of a story line 
concerning a trip from Paris to Constantinople 
on a train. 

This fact didn't stop Jon from accepting the booking. 

For as he sat that afternoon in the driver's seat 
of our rented van 

he turned to us all 
and said gallantly 
and in an offhanded way: 

"We'll think of something..." 

Like another famous general from another time 
Jon oozes an absolute confidence 
as to his 
ability to lead his troupes into battle  
the foot soldiers of the Killing Kompany 
have an absolute faith in their commander's ability 
to pull our chestnuts out of each and every fire. 

{We have witnessed him do it countless times.} 

No unit 
North or South 
ever had more faith in their commanding officer. 


Well, almost united. 
Actually a five hour car ride 
is a good metaphor for Democracy. 

Having agreed to come together in a common goal 
sitting for long periods of time 
in a confined area 
makes the occupants of a moving vehicle 
well, cranky. 

I must explain at this point that 
a particular fellow traveler in the Kompany 
has a herniated horse's tail. 

For those of you who are proficient in 
skeletal anatomy I need say no more. 

For those of you who are not 
it suffices to say 
his butt hurts if he sits in one position for too long. 

Couple this with a ban on smoking 
by the Legislative Branch 

{Jon had rented the van and made the rules} 

and that our traveler 
was without enough morning coffee 
for personal comfort 
and you had the makings of political unrest 
in the third seating area of the rented van. 

Later he came to be dubbed - a pest - 
by most of the other republican minded 
who were forced to 
experience this newly rediscovered 
pre adolescent behavior 
all the way 
down the New Jersey Turnpike. 

But due to the nature of our bonds to each other 
he was "endured." 

Diedre - in a most remarkable turn of events 
turned this whole experience for us  
completely around  
by launching into a long story about 
something called: A Rectal Prolapse! 
which provided us with an  
period of intelligent conversation and comments 
amongst ourselves 
removing our focus of attention  
from the  
problem of having no script for the evening's fete... 
and the inherent discomforts of  
a herniated horses butt. 

Due to  anticipated objections 
which I have anticipated at this juncture 

 Good Taste Shall Prevail 
and I will avoid a further explanation 
of this medical malady: 
Prolapsed Rectum 
but for those of you who enjoy using search engines 
this information is readily available 
through the miracle of the Information Highway 
on other sites. 

   Diedre's real profession is X Ray Technician       
She is also a full time wife  and  A loyal Killing Kompany member
However She often dresses like a police officer  and  periodically attempts to murder  her husband!   


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