A SONG: to be sung to the same tune as "Tannenbaum, Oh Tannenbaum! ..." The
despot's heel is on thy shore
Maryland, My Maryland!
His foot is at Thy Temple Door!
Maryland, My Maryland!
Avenge the Patriotic Gore
That fleck'd the streets of Baltimore!
And Be the Battle Queen of Yore
Maryland, My Maryland!
PREFACE "No Lo
Contendo"
At the opening of the American Civil War
or
.
Independence |
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The War for Southern
depending upon one's historical |
.
perspective
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The City of Baltimore, Maryland
was a hotbed of southern sympathizers
and/or
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repressed Confederate Patriots...
and subsequently
the rioting
which followed the outbreak of the
hostilities
between the States
forced
The Federal Government
to call in troops
with the intent to quell the uprising of certain portions
of the citizenry and to declare martial law
for fear of losing control of the city
and perhaps the entire State to
The Confederacy.
This nifty tune: "Maryland, My Maryland"
was penned by hand
with the intent of immortalizing these events
from the Southern point of view.
However there is another historical fact
tangentially worth mentioning in this
connection:
?
"Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree..."?
It is a FACT "Tannenbaum" were hardly
a part of the North American Christmas tradition
at the time this song was written...
How's that for clever marketing...?
Fortunately we have no such activity
going on today... Making the Preface to
this story
a complete and perfect Onion Peel.
AND
Almost no one
except the Homicidally Challenged
and/or celebrants of Confederate Mother's Day
would know of these facts.
NOTE:
Political correctness in the late
Twentieth Century in Amerika
is so exhausting
that from this point on
I will attempt to continue my narrative of
the Killing Kompany's jaunt south of the
Mason Dioxin Line
without offending further my editor's
southern sensibilities
OR
hopefully the sensibilities of our other
loyal followers
who are
unfortunately
located beneath the aforementioned
political division...
OR
having to include a lot of stuff that
got settled a long time ago
AND
All protests from the Confederate Air Force
to the contrary not withstanding...
AND
Despite the fact our First President
-who slept everywhere-
but resided in Virginia
and had a fine institution of learning
named after him
in Maryland
BUT/OR
That CERTAIN Public Utilities in the Deeper South
indeed even
forbid their employees
from celebrating George's birthday
and thereby disallowing these workers
their right
to celebrate the otherwise
national holiday
by goofing off around their homes
or
catching up on their chores...
or whatever else they want to do
with their
free time ...
The Killing Kompany
made their way South on I 95 Saturday
afternoon
confined within a rented van.
The City of Baltimore is located
no where near George Washington University.
But history tells us some 200 years ago
Our Founding Father
George
-rumored to have slept in many places-
WAS indeed
entertained one evening by a performance
given by students. 
An Annual Ball on campus has been held
commemorating the event for more years
than anyone can remember.
And it's theme this year - 1998 - was:
"Murder on The Orient Express."
and WE had been asked to provide some
entertainment!
Which was all fine and good with us!
For we had been invited to perform for over
2,000 Ball attendees
which was remarkable
due to the fact the school had an enrollment
of only 1,000 students...
Upon contacting us to arrange a performance
"especially written for the occasion"
we were actually rolling south that afternoon
into unexplored territory.
The reason being:
We have no show in our
extensive repertoire
which includes anything
with even the faintest hint of a story line
concerning a trip from Paris to Constantinople
on a train.
This fact didn't stop Jon from accepting the booking.
For as he sat that afternoon in the driver's seat
of our rented van
he turned to us all
and said gallantly
and in an offhanded way:
"We'll think of something..."
Like another famous general from another time
Jon oozes an absolute confidence
as to his
ability to lead his troupes into battle
AND
the foot soldiers of the Killing Kompany
have an absolute faith in their commander's ability
to pull our chestnuts out of each and every fire.
{We have witnessed him do it countless times.}
No unit
North or South
ever had more faith in their commanding officer.
IT IS IN THIS WAY WE WERE UNITED.
Well, almost united.
Actually a five hour car ride
is a good metaphor for Democracy.
Having agreed to come together in a common goal
sometimes
sitting for long periods of time
in a confined area
makes the occupants of a moving vehicle
behave
well, cranky.
I must explain at this point that
a particular fellow traveler in the Kompany
has a herniated horse's tail.
For those of you who are proficient in
skeletal anatomy I need say no more.
For those of you who are not
it suffices to say
his butt hurts if he sits in one position for too long.
Couple this with a ban on smoking
by the Legislative Branch
{Jon had rented the van and made the rules}
and that our traveler
was without enough morning coffee
for personal comfort
and you had the makings of political unrest
in the third seating area of the rented van.
Later he came to be dubbed - a pest -
by most of the other republican minded
democrats
who were forced to
experience this newly rediscovered
pre adolescent behavior
all the way
down the New Jersey Turnpike.
But due to the nature of our bonds to each other
he was "endured."
Diedre - in a most remarkable turn of events
turned this whole experience for us
completely around
by launching into a long story about
something called: A Rectal Prolapse!
which provided us with an
extended
period of intelligent conversation and comments
amongst ourselves
thereby
removing our focus of attention
from the
problem of having no script for the evening's fete...
and the inherent discomforts of
a herniated horses butt.
Due to anticipated objections
which I have anticipated at this juncture
Good Taste Shall Prevail
and I will avoid a further
explanation
of this medical malady:
Prolapsed Rectum
but for those of you who enjoy using search engines
this information is readily available
through the miracle of the Information Highway
on other sites.
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